I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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