Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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