I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
