she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
