I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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