I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
