I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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