You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
