THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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