You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
