Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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