she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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