I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
MIDGETS
????
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
