I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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