So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
