He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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