So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
