Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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