literally had 100 drinks last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
