I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
