Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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