you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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