the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's blow job season.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize