he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
