So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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