I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
