bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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