Apparently you make a good broom.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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