there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
