Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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