My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
