Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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