It's like God shit irony all over that family
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
