I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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