I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
