people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
God, I missed his penis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
