Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
