i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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