Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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