Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
