3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
