Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
