batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
