He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
wow bdsm is so cute
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