you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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