they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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