I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we're chasing vodka with high fives
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
