I puked a lego.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
