I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
