I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
