Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
