4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I smell stomach acid.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
