my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
