cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
