I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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