Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
