Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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