My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
