You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
