Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
