One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
