ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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