Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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