"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
