This girl is more easily done than said...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love you.
Bad choice
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
