Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am one with the molecules
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
