fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
