I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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