meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
