I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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