i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
