I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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