Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
