my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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