there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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