he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
