you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize