I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
