I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
