The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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