I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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