Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's like iHOP with fire
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
