Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
