She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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