I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
