I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
