i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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