I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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