and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
