Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
