I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
