Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
