It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
