Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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