Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
