I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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