hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
