she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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