my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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