I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
