I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
