I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
